Bucket List, part 2

I shared my completed Bucket List from the book, "My Ultimate Bucket List" last month.

Now, I'm sharing my To-Do List!

Of course, some will be easier, and others not so much... Some will take time to occur, and some will take $$$.

In book order, not mine:
1. take a cruise
2. visit Las Vegas
3. plant trees {I've done this, but want to plant more!}
4. learn to play instrument(s) {Again, done it, but I'd like to expand my skills.}
5. learn a new language {This may be difficult; I *barely* passed my spoken language sections in college!}
6. write a song
7. send a secret admirer letter {My eldest daughter says this is impossible, but someone I admire doesn't mean love!}
8. start a blog and keep it going for a year {Thanks friends! You're participating with this one!}
9. raise chickens for fresh eggs {Can't happen at our current place...}
10. participate in open mic night

11. start a weekly family game
12. experience the northern lights
13. get on Jeopardy
14. throw a dart at a map and go where it lands
15. witness a geyser erupting
16. create your own game
17. read over 100 books in a year {Maybe when my kids are older!!}
18. sleep in a hammock
19. make someone's wish come true {Anyone with a wish?}
20. have an Alice in Wonderland themed dinner party

21. create a children's book
22. volunteer at a homeless shelter
23. take a pottery class
24. visit 5 National Parks
25. visit Hawaii
26. create a new recipe {Lots of modified recipes, but I don't think those count.}
27. visit all 50 states {Family vacations when I was a kid got me halfway.}
28. explore the Grand Canyon
29. see an eclipse {Debating whether that's happening for us driving to see totality this month or not...}
30. pay it forward every day for a week

31. serenade someone in public {I've done this as part of Sweet Adeline Valentine quartets, but not alone!}
32. solve a Rubik's cube {My nephew can, so maybe he can teach me!}
33. take toys to a children's hospital
34. be part of a flash mob {I would LOVE to do this singing Hallelujah Chorus!!!}
35. attend Olympic Games
36. read the Bible {I want to make this a yearly plan!}
37. go scuba diving
38. visit a volcano
39. mentor a young person {I have, but this is repeatable!}
40. see my children graduate high school, college, marry, have children...

I may be able to combine a few items on my list, for example, visit Hawaii and a volcano, and maybe visiting all 50 states if that's the last one, but those 3 are going to take me a while yet. Several others, whether due to time or money constraints, will also take some time to happen.

I see a strong creative interest pattern, with playing instruments, writing a song, creating a game, writing a children's book, taking a pottery class, and inventing a recipe. I'm currently working on paring down and organizing my sewing and craft closet space, so that should help. We've been decluttering and simplifying our lives for a long time, and wishing to never find ourselves in such an awkward space again!

So, now you know my bucket list; what's on yours? Anything that I should add to mine?

Bucket List

I turned 40 this month. 4-0.

This doesn't dismay me, but when I happened across My Ultimate Bucket List book at my local Half-Price Books and it was in their clearance area, I grabbed it. Milestone birthdays DO tend to focus your thoughts on living intentionally!

I finally got a chance to flip through the book and write down my bucket list this evening. I have 40 items listed so far; a healthy start I believe. What struck me as I read through the 300 specific bucket list suggestions was how many that I could check off right now. Whenever I had considered a bucket list before, I assumed that I would have more on the list than accomplished; I've lived in the same state my whole life, married a man I met in elementary school, and am a stay-at-home mama. How much could I have done?

So... I went through the list again. I tallied up 75 items on that list!!

I've planted a tree, learned to play an instrument, started a new tradition, gone to a concert of a favorite band, attended a drive-in movie, attended hosted a murder mystery dinner, changed my hairstyle, learned CPR, fell asleep under the stars with someone I love, had a water balloon fight... the list just keeps going!

In case my checked-off list encourages YOU, here's the rest:
11. throw myself a birthday party {actually a surprise anniversary party for my parents!}
12. visit the Humane Society and play with the animals
13. try a martial art
14. get my picture in the newspaper
15. participate in a polar bear swim
16. wear a snake around my neck
17. try panning for gold
18. donate money to a worthy cause
19. kiss under a mistletoe
20. try to be 2 places at the same time {what mother HASN'T?!}
21. try yoga
22. shower under a waterfall
23. try to find a four-leaf clover
24. roast marshmallows at a campfire
25. milk a cow goat
26. fly a kite
27. learn to write calligraphy {nowhere NEAR as good as my friend at Swallowtail Calligraphy!}
28. visit an island
29. donate hair to cancer patients
30. enter a contest
31. adopt a dog
32. go camping
33. give blood
34. make homemade ice cream
35. canoe down a river
36. buy myself an entire new wardrobe {again, motherhood...}
37. explore a cave
38. visit a castle
39. go jet-skiing
40. have a candlelight dinner
41. visit the birthplace of my ancestors
42. visit Stonehenge
43. make an investment in something
44. serenade someone in public {Sweet Adeline Singing Valentines!}
45. see a shooting star
46. line dance
47. ride on a double-decker bus {while I was in U.K. seeing Stonehenge...}
48. stay in a log cabin for a night
49. go to a food festival
50. go on a zipline
51. visit Disney World {twice}
52. tour a ruin
53. jump on a pogo stick {I'm pretty lousy, but my 14yo is good}
54. try a Zumba class
55. tie messages on a bunch of balloons and let them go
56. teach a class in any subject {Classical Conversations!!!}
57. sit in the very front seat of a roller coaster
58. play spin the bottle with people at a party {LONG long ago!!}
59. cash in a winning lottery ticket or scratch off
60. pet a stingray
61. get a license for something other than driving {licensed foster family for 8 years}
62. go horseback riding
63. get a degree {two}
64. start a collection of something {books, angels, turtles, and nativity sets}
65. play charades at a party
66. kiss someone at midnight on New Year's Eve
67. climb a tree
68. get a book autographed by the author
69. learn to ice skate
70. mentor a young person
71. watch a symphony perform
72. build a snowman
73. make a prank call {also long ago, I'm much more mature, now... don't laugh!}
74. ride a train
75. play a round of golf {abysmally!}

Struggling

I struggle with bitterness.

I asked after my brother and sister-in-law’s date night, which was yesterday. My SIL replied that it was enjoyable, but then added that, “it was much needed”. As the mother of a child with special needs, who has only ever been without one of us for a single night in her 7.5 years, I was quite resentful of “much needed”. How can a mother of any only child, who isn’t even 2yo, know about a “much needed” date night?

I don’t really question that they felt the need to reconnect. I simply am bitter. I have “much need” for time away with my husband, time away by myself, time away to sleep, but yet don’t get that time. Even people willing to share our load can’t truly do so, because our dear daughter will still react poorly for any time away, and will cling all the tighter afterwards, wearing away any rest and relaxation that the time away achieved.

My bitterness is my own. It is not God’s will, flouting the tenth commandment of not to covet your neighbors’ possessions, even non-physical ones. God loves me despite my bitterness, yet I resist His grace and forgiveness. I intellectually know to give my failings and weaknesses to God, but childishly cling to my resentment. I am a thirsty person, longing for God, and yet I’m refusing to drink when God holds the cup to my lips. 

I don’t want another life. I don’t want others’ pity or guilt that they were unaware of my struggles. I just want a warm embrace, an understanding nod, a patient ear.  I feel small and petty for my bitterness, when others are fighting for their very lives. I grieve what might have been, but feel guilty for grieving when I am so blessed. I weep with my frustrations, and get angry at others’ unawareness, but I don’t reach out because surely those who care would’ve asked if I’m okay.   All of these emotions are so counter to my preference to laugh rather than cry. Sometimes, though, from lack of sleep, weakness of my body, or just the unknown, I’m raw. And in those raw moments, the smallest word or gesture salts my rawness, startling me with deep pain. I fight a battle that others don’t see, and often forget that the battle is ongoing, until these surprising moments.

Christmas time Meditations

I've been snuggled up to my sleeping daughter for a couple hours now this morning.  L's such a bundle of energy and life when she's awake that she always seems to shrink while asleep.  I'm giving her some time to sleep in on this frigid morning... the wind chills are well below zero, but her school is running its normal schedule.  Since she's so sleepy, I'm giving her her own delay!

  My baby will soon be 5yo, Christmas is only ten days away, and I'm carving out a few moments of peace.  I'm so delighted to see my children grow and mature, but it's so bittersweet as they grow away from me.  Yes, my 13yo and 11yo still need me, just not as much as they once did.  R took his first Challenge A blue book exams last week.  He did well, especially considering the two weeks that he missed early this fall to pneumonia! Challenge has been a great learning experience.  Seeing a whole hemisphere with countries, hand-drawn by my son, is amazing!  He's not struggling in the strands that I worried about; geography and Latin have been great.  Surprisingly, the writing strand has been the source of the greatest trouble for him.  Affirmative-Negative-Interesting charts are the issue.  Dad has a logical creative thinking methodology that he's introducing to R, so hopefully that will help! We love homeschooling!  We have our moments, but the togetherness has been wonderful.  Rewards like a long snow break are just icing on the cake!

  My peaceful moment has passed, and L is awake now.  It's time to move, get her to school, clean the house, bake, and dot all my Christmas i's/cross all the t's.  The coming weeks will hold lots of excitement.  I also wait on my referral about possible Ehlers-Danlos hypermobility syndrome.  Will that be good news?  I don't know, but knowing a name for my physical struggles would be nice.

May God bless you this Christmas!

 

Summertime

Finally sharing again, and this time more than a year later! Let me catch up: We've continued to homeschool using Classical Conversations as our spine, now with 3 years at home.  R begins Challenge A in the fall, A continues Foundations and Essentials, and my baby, S, begins Foundations.  L, my special needs kiddo, also has a big change coming, as she begins kindergarten.  I've got a LOT of anxiety about this step, but know that God's got this!! After 3 years at home, I think our homeschool has really come together.  Other homeschool mamas have said the same; 3 years seems to be the learning curve to know just how to organize this whole homeschool adventure.  Some WONDERFUL books that have helped me figure out what I wanted our homeschool to be are: The Well-Trained Mind, The Core, and Teaching From Rest.

 I also love Simply Classical to guide me how to help my special one learn, even though I'm not home educating her.  In addition to CC, we use Saxon math, the Story of the World Series as a read-aloud, as well as living books.  This summer, while we have our CC break, we're practicing Latin declensions, exploring Latin roots to English words with Vocabulary Bridges, studying Ohio history with Along the Ohio Trail resource from the state auditor's office, learning to type with typing.com, and studying foreign languages with Duolingo (R-Spanish and A-French... I'm supposed to keep up with both, but that hasn't happened!). We're also reviewing previous cycles' memory work, drawing maps with a new resource to us: ArtK12's Draw series, daily cursive practice, math for A since she hasn't finished her book yet, and weekly nature study and book discussions. We've read the books that R will be assigned in Challenge A, and now are discussing them one at a time. Yes, he's ahead on that, but I'm simply making sure that the book reading doesn't stop his papers this year!

We also LOVE summer reading clubs! This year we are signed up for our local library, Exodus Books' Outside of a Dog program, Half-Price Books, and Barnes & Noble for A (R is too old... 🙁). I'm going to Give Your Child the World too; such a great new book to connect kids to this amazing world!

As you can see, I'm delighted with our homeschool! I wish that my health was as solid, but this doesn't seem to be the time for that, yet. Over the last 2 years, I've seen 6 different specialists. What I'm left with as a diagnosis is chronic fatigue syndrome with systemic exertion intolerance disease (CFS-SEID).

Unfortunately, there's not much that I can do to improve, but I'm working on it: graded exercise, good nutrition, and lots of rest. This is a hard diagnosis with young kids, especially one with special needs. My older children are super help, though! A big regret of mine is that I can't be as useful to my husband, however, as I'm nearly always utterly exhausted by the time he's home. I thought about this dilemma for a few months, and have hit upon a partial answer. I prepare crockpot freezer meals so we can have good food without lots of late-day irk from me (or hubby)! We have some favorite recipes so far, and I've got a list to try in the future.

Life goes marching on!

I mentioned health issues last July, and then disappeared for nine months! NO, not a baby... Four kiddos is enough for now, but that would be easier to explain! Still do not know what exactly is the cause, so quite frustrating when the main symptom is unrelenting fatigue. I'm still my laughing self, but some days are just HARD.

Despite all of this, I've homeschooled a second year, tutored a second year, and all of us are starting to see where we fit in this routine. I am not a bell-and-schedule sort of homeschooler. We try to stick to a plan of which subjects BEFORE lunch, and others, mostly non-essentials, after.

In our February doldrums this year, I sat down at the computer and worked up a spreadsheet checklist of ALL my expectations, school, home, and personal, for my older kids for each week. This has been a while in coming, but we wanted to our kids to experience earning money and privileges, as similarly as possible to real working life. They each have jobs that are awarded by ability and interests, but enough so that they each can earn $8 per week. Some may think this small, some may think this a lot! It's a bit high for OUR budget, but... our kids are responsible for their own extras, whether food snacks or extra clothing, so that is where we have made room for the extra outlay. We will provide 7-10 outfits per season, 2-4 sets of dress clothes, daily shoes, and dress shoes. We will also provide apples, carrots and celery with hummus, and popcorn for snacks. A frugal child can choose to live well within our boundaries, and save for their interests. We pray that valuable, yet somewhat painful, lessons are learned by our not-so-frugal child NOW, so that the big very painful lessons we learned the hard way in our early adulthood can be avoided.

As it's Autism Awareness month, I want to share a bit about my sweet middle daughter, L. Long before her diagnosis, we knew that she was not neurotypical. She crawled at fourteen months, walked at twenty-eight months, so both about twice as long as all the developmental milestones checklists say. The first couple months of my youngest's life were quite muscle-building for me, because I was carrying TWO little ones and all their gear! (And not like with twins, because one was twenty-six months older!!) I was SO encouraged when she started walking after only one month of physical therapy, but speech was to take longer... At three years old, she aged out of the early intervention program and into the school district's jurisdiction. I had had the privilege of being home with her for her whole life thus far, so can you imagine how sad I was to see her going off on the bus, ALL day, four days per week?! Preschool has been such an amazing experience for L, though! She knows her classmates by name, she snuggles with her fantastic teacher, and she gets a scheduled day that is separate from me. Yes, even though I homeschool, this was so crucial to L, because NOW, we have a parent-child relationship, while before she saw me as the taskmaster. I can teach academic subjects, but I wasn't making WALKING and TALKING fun for a child that had to work so hard to do them! I love being able to celebrate her accomplishments, like songs that she's been singing recently, and not constantly pushing her out of her comfort zone.
L's diagnosis came after she began preschool. When her younger sister was nearly eighteen months old, I realized, with a shock, that little baby S was catching, and in some areas, passing, L in abilities! I did not laugh that day; instead, I wept. I knew what my next step was, as L's early intervention and preschool staff had laid out the plan, if needed, before kindergarten, so that she would continue to receive therapies. Even knowing the possibilities, I was still taken aback by the diagnosis. How could my sweet, smiley, snuggly girl have AUTISM? She smiles, she hugs! Surely not!!
As they say, denial is the first stage of grief, and while it may seem callous to anyone who has lost a child, having a label of autism stuck on your child does feel much like loss. How can my child ever be able to do this, or this, or what about that? Will they even be able to live independently, marry, have a family, and so on... I do not know the answers, but I do know the One who does, and so I've learned to set those worries aside.
For anyone who may read this, a diagnosis does NOT change your loved one! My daughter is STILL my sweet, smiley, snuggly girl... she just qualifies for a little extra time and attention from others!
L's diagnosis was just before her fourth birthday. At that time, she used approximately one hundred words... Now, I don't think we could successfully tally them, and sentences! I cannot tell you the JOY it is to hear my sweet one tell me in the produce section of the grocery store, "We have lots of ripe bananas"... Six word sentences are so, so, so distant from a one hundred word vocabulary! I didn't even know she knew the word ripe!!

"And She Laughs" is more than just a blog name for me... It's a reminder that in the darkest days, laughter is not far away, and that sometimes joy has to be sought out, and savored all the more for the contrast.
May you see God's joy in the midst of your life, and smile, or even laugh, to pass it on.

Ramblings of a Sleepy Mind

I've been preparing for the coming school year, and I have to say, I'm EXCITED! I'm not sure that my kids are, yet, but that will come. :) I'm listening to my printer run (and run) while I'm typing, printing out all sorts of educational materials. Hopefully I get a chance to get everything organized in the next month or so. I've been dealing with some health issues, and I'm not sure yet what it will mean. It's in God's hands, but I still struggle to let go. Thankfully, I don't HAVE to control my future, just do my best, with His help, to live to His glory!

My family surprised me with an early birthday party this week; it was VERY nice, and completely unexpected! (no, this one is NOT a milestone birthday...) The photo taken at the restaurant is sitting next to me and I love seeing 15 smiling faces all on my behalf. That really warms my heart!!

I've read a lot lately about the Titus 2 woman. I hope to do some reflection, and share soon. Speaking of sharing, the delegation of packing to my older 2 worked very well! They even helped pack the food from my list, so I was delighted to have that burden lessened. They really are growing into quite wonderful young adults, so loving and responsible. I need to be sure to share my praise more frequently with THEM!

As it is late, I will stop here for the evening. I don't know whether anyone will ever see this other than my family, but I am enjoying sharing.