Blue Funk

My neck hurts a lot today, probably a 6 out of 10.

I've got a sick child. It's grey and rainy. Some friends got further bad news about an already precarious financial situation. I'm going to a high school friend's (only 42yo) funeral this evening. Any of those could sadden me for a while, so combined is particularly unpleasant.         EVERYONE has days like this; the days that so much is wrong, and it's hard to find any blessings. Let me be clear: I know that my blessings abound, but on days like today, they seem to disappear like a puff of smoke. So... what does the faithful Christian do? None of this is life-threatening, but it is life-draining.

It's easy to forget that Jesus himself experienced bad days, and that he lived the whole range of human emotions: happy, sad, angry, afraid, and kept going.

How?

He gave it to God, took time away from the press of daily life, and didn't sum up his whole life in one bad day.  

Ladies, I have to share...

Okay ladies, how many of you race home after the day and gleefully remove your bra?!  
I did, but not now, and I have to spread the word!

First, your bra size is likely to be wrong, especially if you are bustier than a C cup. Don't worry, we can sort that out.

Second, you may not find your best fitting bra on your first try, but online shopping gives you more options than ever before!  


So... about the sizing. I happened across an amazing tutorial, and rather than trying to badly paraphrase, I'm going to directly link to her blog. She has some language that I typically don't use, but have to confess that I mentally have used similar words dealing with my endowments prior to her solution!!
http://brittanyherself.com/2014/02/05/happy-boobs/    

Now, if you've re-measured yourself, and are shocked at a size that you've never been before, take heart. This really IS your size, and the right bra will prove it. Unfortunately, stores stock a limited number of sizes, and if you're anything like me, it may be difficult to impossible to find Ms. Right Bra.

Here's my next tip: buy online! Yes, it can be inconvenient to buy, wait, try on, and hope, BUT it's the easiest method to meet your bra match. I shop at: https://www.biggerbras.com/ and have returned items with very little hassle and no fuss.  

For larger sizes, underwire is the best support, but of course, quite uncomfortable by the end of the day. This is also easily solved! Look for bamboo bra liners. They sit between your breasts, under the wire, and can be wrapped around the side, depending on which size you get. Not only do they cushion your bra, they also absorb any smelly sweat and lengthen your bra's life!  

Another point: I do not baby my bras. They get machine washed and hung dry, but they last MUCH longer now that I'm wearing the correct size. My first purchase in my correct size wasn't perfect, but it was still SO much better than before. When I tried another brand, and found my Ms. Right Bra, it was like the heavens opened and the angels sang! For something that you wear EVERY day, you are absolutely worth the investment.  

It's shocking how much better your life is with good undergarments!

Overcome the World's Evil with God's Good

There's been a lot of publicized tragedy in the last week. A nearby community lost two police officers to ambush on a 911 call. A distant state lost kids and adults to a teen school shooter. So much sadness and confusion, even among fellow Christians, and questions about why God allows such evil.

Here's the important part: God doesn't allow evil. He allows FREE WILL. That means He allows each of us to choose. Both killers chose violence. The police officers and at least one adult coach at the high school chose to protect and to serve their communities.   These are hard events to discuss with kids. My family was not directly affected by either tragedy, but most of my kids are aware of them, and they had questions. My 6yo was especially bewildered by someone knowingly killing police officers.   

  So, HOW can we change to prevent this violence? Violence isn't the start. Some time in the past, this week's killers were children. A healthy, well-adjusted, loved child doesn't one day decide, "hey, I'm going to murder people when I'm older." What does happen, then? I think that often there are the odd kids, the weird kids, the ones who act out or smell, who just don't "fit in". Not surprisingly, once a kid is shoved to the side, that status sticks. Those kids are outcasts, and both other kids and their teachers shun them, usually not out of deliberate cruelty, but casual avoidance of the awkward situation. How often have you stepped over that "outcast line" to pick up something that they dropped, smiled at them just to be friendly, chose them for your team, asked them to have a cup of coffee with you, posted a message online just to cheer them? You prevent violence with love and connection.    Part of the public response has been a loud outcry of "F--- thoughts and prayers! We need gun control!" I don't dispute that gun control is beneficial, and I do support legislation changes. However... no one can tell me that my Christian prayers are useless. You see, I pray with my mind, soul, AND body. Being the body of Christ insists on action. Reaching out to the least of these, the outcasts, the sick, the hurting, is EXACTLY what welcoming in Jesus' name looks like. Friends, here is my challenge to you: reach out. Realize where you are comfortable and take a couple steps beyond that. Part of this for me is this blog post. I frequently have strong opinions about current events, but don't voice them because I'd rather not stir the pot. Well, reading that others don't value my prayers, and in fact, see them as useless, motivated me to step out in faith. Find someone who needs love and give it. Then find two. Then more! One person CAN make a difference, and not simply for evil. Join me in living as the body of Christ, and each one of our efforts can ripple. I may not be able to change the world, but I will work on my part of it, and I hope AND PRAY that you will too.

We, as flawed sinners, will not be perfect, but with God's help, we CAN do better.

My 2018 Word of the Year

Several years ago, I fell into focusing my year around a single word. Those words have been ones like: accept, grace, simplify, rest. This year, I was beginning to think that this would be a different plan, as I just had no specific words that "felt" right, until today...

Share.

No, I don't mean like the toddler's mama, constantly reminding her little one to balance "mine" with "yours". This is more aligned with sharing my life, my thoughts and feelings, more honestly with others. I don't lie about my life, but I do keep much of my worries and struggles, my wants and desires, my truest self, hidden. It sounds amusing to say when I'm blogging this, but I hesitate to let people in to my heart, because I fear that they'd see ME, and turn away.

My husband has urged me to be more open and share more for years. As he's told me many times, "connection grows from shared weaknesses, not strengths". He's got a lot of wisdom behind this, but openness scared me. I'm still scared about being "too" open, but I think I'm seeing this a little differently now, too. I'm not going to be open just for the sake of openness; no, I'm going to be sharing myself, more of myself, with the people who already know and love me. Instead of burying it and maybe being a little more distant, I'll share if my feelings are hurt. I'll share what struggles that I'm going through, and I'll share more of the moments that take my breath away or warm my heart. I'll be more honest in sharing what I really think, instead of simply zipping my lips. This is an area that God's pushing me to grow into more for His glory, and I have to try.

So, what about you? Do you make resolutions, use a focus word, or no change with the new year?

Chronically Christmas

Tomorrow is Christmas Day. A day of celebration and joy in the birth of our Savior. It's also a day with shortened sleep, family expectations, and heightened emotions.

  ALL of the above can be challenging with chronic illness. More than any other day, this is a day that I wish to be fully ON for my children's sake. This is looking unlikely this year already: I've been nearly constantly sick since before Thanksgiving, and while my Christmas preparations are solid, these very illnesses have sapped much of my usual low energy remaining after my chronic issues have taken their voracious bites. I'm eagerly anticipating my children's joy, but wish that I had a minimum extra 24 hours of healing and rest beforehand.  

  So... how is this mama handling this year's chronic illness Christmas? Prayerfully, slowly, and as restfully as I can. God will give me enough for the moment, and I will do my utmost to rest in Him and be still. Isn't this much of what God asks of us? To come to Him, give Him all of our burdens, and simply be with and for Him?

      Perhaps I should live as if EACH day were Christmas; coming to adore Him and giving all to Him. Perhaps my focus should be Chronically Christmas, not chronic illness Christmas. The one great blessing of chronic illness is KNOWING that I did not have enough, but that He did, showing me His glory in my weakness. Yes, I would be ecstatic to be truly well, but this close personal relationship would be harder if I didn't NEED Him so desperately.      

I pray that you meet our Savior where you need Him this Christmas, and that you, too, may live focused on Him, chronically!

Gratitude

 

  In the midst of struggles with chronic illness, special needs frustrations, and the general busyness of family life approaching the holidays, I can forget to be grateful. Very much a first-world issue: I'm alive, with adequate food, shelter, and safety; my daughter receives multiple services to help her to progress towards a functional adulthood; and I'm blessed to have a large family and extended family to enjoy special occasions with and to enjoy gift-giving opportunities. So... how to refocus on that gratitude that is so essential to respond to God's grace?  

GRACE: the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

One answer is to schedule downtime. If I don't have margin time, I'm barely functioning, so I need to UNDERestimate what I have time to do. (Major battle for me, as I'm the eternal optimist with my time, and assume everything takes about half the time it typically takes!) Another answer is to prioritize! I've gotten better in my parenting years, but this is definitely an ongoing goal. Yet another answer is to be sure that self-care happens. If I overdo and crash, that will not help me or my family. I need my sleep, healthy diet, and joyful calm to be able to help them; all the airline attendants tell you to put on your own mask first, and then others!

I love this verse as a reminder. How completely wonder-full is it that God's power is made perfect in weakness!! I don't have to BE this perfect ideal of womanhood as wife, mother, and child of God, because His power is made PERFECT in my WEAKNESS! That's what His grace is all about... unmerited, undeserved, so beyond anything that I could ever earn or repay.   THIS is what Thanksgiving is all about. THIS is why we rejoice at our Savior's birth.   If my first world, busy life pulls me away from this center, then I'm in the wrong. I need to repent, turn back, and run to God. Maybe that looks like scheduling downtime, maybe it looks like reprioritizing my life, maybe it looks like better self-care, but it is really dropping my burdens to run to my Father.   I pray that all in this world may find their gratitude for God's grace, and live in His joy this holiday season!

Happiest of Thanksgivings to each of you, in Jesus' name!

Bucket List, part 2

I shared my completed Bucket List from the book, "My Ultimate Bucket List" last month.

Now, I'm sharing my To-Do List!

Of course, some will be easier, and others not so much... Some will take time to occur, and some will take $$$.

In book order, not mine:
1. take a cruise
2. visit Las Vegas
3. plant trees {I've done this, but want to plant more!}
4. learn to play instrument(s) {Again, done it, but I'd like to expand my skills.}
5. learn a new language {This may be difficult; I *barely* passed my spoken language sections in college!}
6. write a song
7. send a secret admirer letter {My eldest daughter says this is impossible, but someone I admire doesn't mean love!}
8. start a blog and keep it going for a year {Thanks friends! You're participating with this one!}
9. raise chickens for fresh eggs {Can't happen at our current place...}
10. participate in open mic night

11. start a weekly family game
12. experience the northern lights
13. get on Jeopardy
14. throw a dart at a map and go where it lands
15. witness a geyser erupting
16. create your own game
17. read over 100 books in a year {Maybe when my kids are older!!}
18. sleep in a hammock
19. make someone's wish come true {Anyone with a wish?}
20. have an Alice in Wonderland themed dinner party

21. create a children's book
22. volunteer at a homeless shelter
23. take a pottery class
24. visit 5 National Parks
25. visit Hawaii
26. create a new recipe {Lots of modified recipes, but I don't think those count.}
27. visit all 50 states {Family vacations when I was a kid got me halfway.}
28. explore the Grand Canyon
29. see an eclipse {Debating whether that's happening for us driving to see totality this month or not...}
30. pay it forward every day for a week

31. serenade someone in public {I've done this as part of Sweet Adeline Valentine quartets, but not alone!}
32. solve a Rubik's cube {My nephew can, so maybe he can teach me!}
33. take toys to a children's hospital
34. be part of a flash mob {I would LOVE to do this singing Hallelujah Chorus!!!}
35. attend Olympic Games
36. read the Bible {I want to make this a yearly plan!}
37. go scuba diving
38. visit a volcano
39. mentor a young person {I have, but this is repeatable!}
40. see my children graduate high school, college, marry, have children...

I may be able to combine a few items on my list, for example, visit Hawaii and a volcano, and maybe visiting all 50 states if that's the last one, but those 3 are going to take me a while yet. Several others, whether due to time or money constraints, will also take some time to happen.

I see a strong creative interest pattern, with playing instruments, writing a song, creating a game, writing a children's book, taking a pottery class, and inventing a recipe. I'm currently working on paring down and organizing my sewing and craft closet space, so that should help. We've been decluttering and simplifying our lives for a long time, and wishing to never find ourselves in such an awkward space again!

So, now you know my bucket list; what's on yours? Anything that I should add to mine?